Jimmie Johnson doesn't need help winning. He desperately needs help making people appreciate winning.On Sunday, Johnson clinched his fourth straight Sprint Cup title. To put that in layman's terms, Johnson is the Yankees, Patriots and American Idol wrapped into one.
That makes Johnson the most under-loved dynasty in sports history. When he won the crown Sunday at Homestead, most of America likely stifled a yawn unless he would have popped out of the cockpit dressed as Danica Patrick. (Needless to say, he didn't.)
Jimmie, we're here to help.
We're tired of reading what a boringly good guy you are and what dopes people are for not embracing you. Sad to say, nice doesn't cut it. Controversy is the surest path to notoriety.
Notoriety isn't fame, but it sells just as well. Fallen heroes are especially hot this year.
The Lakers' championship was billed as Kobe's Redemption Over Shaq, not to mention that gold-digging Colorado spa clerk. The Yankees' title was A-Rod's Revenge Over Octobers Past, not to mention that pesky steroid test.
Johnson doesn't redeem anything except half-off coupons at Wal-Mart. And he's probably buying school supplies for the local orphanage.
Johnson could win 10 straight NASCAR crowns and the average sports fan still wouldn't be able to pick him out of a police lineup. So what's a guy have to do to get noticed these days?
*Get in a real police lineup. Stick a pistol down your fire suit, head to the VIP section of Manhattan nightclub and get a little trigger happy. You'll dominate the tabloids for weeks. (Note: Extra points if Jeff Gordon grabs the gun and hides it from the cops).
*Drive over to Columbia, S.C., and do some bong hits with the frat guys.
*Do some crystal meth with your trainer, tank a few races and write a book about it.
*Announce you're changing your number to 23 to honor Michael Jordan and urge every driver to do the same.
*Test positive for female fertility drugs that mask steroids. You'll be so huge in LA they'll rename it Jimmiewood.
*Join the New Mexico women's soccer team and mug unsuspecting opponents from Brigham Young.
*Wear eye-black patches that say "Jeremy" and "Mayfield."
*Have a sex change, do GoDaddy ads and pose in Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue. Nobody will care if you win one race a career.
*Wave a $1 bribe at an official during post-race car inspection.
*Start dating Kate Gosselin.
*Run for vice president and blame Katie Couric for making you say your favorite author is Dr. Seuss.
*Flip a bird at Mark Martin fans.
*Plant a rumor that you are a hermaphrodite from a small South African village.
*Claim that Urban Meyer is illegally recruiting a visiting crew chief.
*Announce you are retiring to your Mississippi farm then change your mind 37 times.
*Drive through a Wendy's pick-up lane at 2 a.m. wearing only a HANS device.
*Produce a birth certificate proving you are the real son of Dale Earnhardt. You'll never have to win another race and millions of fans will still adore you.
*Hire Rich Rodriguez to keep track of your pit crew's weekly training regimen.
*Break into your own house and accuse police of racism when they show up and ask you to show some identification.
*Have a string of affairs with underling crew members who have boyfriends given to blackmail.
*Use a homophobic slur about a reporter from NASCAR Weekly and tweet about it in a politically incorrect manner.
*Change your name to Jimmie Ochocinco.
For some reason I just can't see that happening. Johnson has all but perfected his act, so why mess with success? That leaves the rest of us with two options following Sunday.
We can hope he loses his mind. Or we can try to appreciate a hero who never falls.
Comments (Page 1 of 1)
jimmie is the man alright, we went to phoenix it was a boring and we left before it was over. we wont be going to any more to watch the same guy winning.between the new cars and rules its better time spent at home, so you can take nap after johnson gets in the lead
Go QuatroOcho
Johnson is NO champion in my estimation.NOT when you have races slanted in your direction for no other reason than NAZCAR WANTS you as champion. Pretty hard to buck the odds when you have Brainless Brian France & his sister, Lisa,(France), Kennedy.You don't hear Barry Bonds mentioned as the home run king very often. And chances are, you won't hear Johnson proclaimed as the best either. Why? Both had help attaining their goals. Bonds had/used steroids to achieve that mark. Then he had the nerve to go on tv and say otherwise.(I was watching just to see his nose grow). Johnson had the NAZCAR brain trust, the unlimited supply of greenbacks provided by Rick Hendricks. I can't wait for his appearance on Letterman as NAZCAR's champion. (New Yorkers are notorious for their abiliity to sniff out bu*llsh#!tt when they hear it. I hope they send this fraud running for cover when he walks out to do the "Top 10 List").The truly sad part of this is, I USED to be a fan. (Attended my 1st Daytona 500 in 1959, when I was 6. Just so you know, Lee Petty won).Johnson is a fraud, like Bonds. Only he gets his way with help from Cheat Knauss and the money that influencemeister Rick Hendricks provides. And is , NO champion in my book
Ha ha ha!
I think your brain went fishing LONG before you did buddy.
Think about this...Even if NASCAR "slanted" the rules to favor one car over another, when you have FORTY-THREE cars out on the track, it would be impossible to have that ONE CAR win on-demand if the driver didn't have talent.
(Must be a Kyle Tusch fan...Wah! Wah!)
Get a life do you even have a tv?OH NICE SPELLING OH BY THE WAY YOU ARE A SPELLING BEE CHAMPION DA. get over it.Your when I was a kid story boring.Those days are gone live in the present and not the past.Get out of your house and take a look the world has changed.Where is new york at the city of shame.When johnson goes on david letterman he will be helping people find out where newyork is LMAO.It will finally have a true honest good hearted american champion thats more than your state deserves.So you should be honored to have him there.GOD BLESS AMERICA
YAY!!! Go Jimmie!!!!! I'm sooo proud to be a fan of such a great racer!!! Not to mention, he is soooo good looking!!! Been a fan of his from day one and will always be. Go Jimmie!!!!
that's just Nascar racing!!!
Whitely, you didn't do much to help.. Actually youi may have done more harnm than good trying to shove superman in our face again yet again..
Was it not too many years ago that we heard the radio transmission to Shumachers team mate in F1 telling him to slow down and let Shumacher pass. If it can happen there!!! not to mention all of the great officiating in college sports and the NFL.. There is no-way it could possibly happen in NASCAR...
If Jimmie had grown up as a pig farmer's son in Georgia, drove an old pick-up truck, endorsed beer, did ads for shotguns, and would get into an occasional scuffle with other drivers, he'd be worshipped as a god with his current success. Jimmie's the college kid in a biker bar, and no matter what he does, he will never be embraced by the majority of NASCAR fans--he will always be the outsider who "cheated and stole" some good ole boy's trophy with smoke and mirrors. No clean-cut "mama's boy" could possibly have that much talent, not to the core NASCAR audience, so all the journalists who keep trying to make people respect Johnson might as well hang it up, and just accept it.
Sounds like you are a red neck southern boy.You need talent to drive todays cars.And he will never meet your standards or stoop that low.Must be a #3 fan please dont degrade your kind go back to school and please get your G.E.D seems like you have to much time on your hands.