Montoya Doesn't Care For Martinsville Dogs, Easter Bunny

He normally eats a hot dog microwaved with "cheese, pineapple, sauces and a little bit of crumpled (potato) chips on top," but Juan Pablo Montoya wouldn't eat a famous Martinsville hot dog because, "It just doesn't look good."

Not because it's against his religion or anything--just because it didn't look good. C'mon, now. I know he's used to restaurants in Monaco and Barcelona, but can't he humor us and try just a little bit to embrace NASCAR, like it is embracing him?

Everybody eats Martinsville dogs. And when I say everybody, I mean even Jimmie Johnson's wife, Chandra, eats them. (Yeah ... I know what you're thinking. Trust me--she really eats.)

Easter eggs don't look good to Montoya, either, and the Easter Bunny won't be visiting his children this weekend. Where Montoya comes from, Easter is about the religion--ya know?

Sure, the Easter Bunny is a Pagan add-on, but here we multi-task and celebrate our own as well as others' religious traditions at will--ya know?

It's not all Montoya's fault that I can't stand him. It's also the media constantly shoving him in my face and expecting me to believe that he is the best thing since sliced bread.

Sorry, but he's going to have to prove that before I believe it.

In the meantime, Montoya should come down off his high horse and start celebrating the Religion of NASCAR.

Here are a few commandments to help him get started:

Thou shall learn the fine are of give and take.
Thou shall not take out pit crew members.
Thou shall not tire of sponsor obligations just 6 weeks into the season.
Thou shall not name a company in an interview unless is it a sponsor.
Thou shall not attempt to win fans beating the fan favorite.
Thou shall not fear the Martinsville hot dog.
Thou shall be man enough to shed a tear.

That last one should be Lesson #1: Strong Men Also Cry.

There might not be crying in baseball, but there is crying in NASCAR. And plenty of it. Montoya's not gonna have too many in his corner if he hates everyone that does it.

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

4-05-2007 @ 8:34AM

michael said...

montoya YOU SUCK YOU ARE A OVERRATED DRIVER WHO LIKES TO PUSH AROUND THE LITTLE GUY (NEWMAN, RAINES, WHO EVER HIS TEAM MATE IS IN BUSH SERIES) EVERYONE THINKS HE IS GOING TO BE AWSOME, YES HE IS A TALLENTED DRIVER BUT INSTEAD OF PUSHING THE LITTLE GUYS OUT OF THE WAY WHY DONT YOU TRY AND PUSH HARVICK, STEWART, JR, KYLE BUSH...... WHEN YOU PUSH THESE GUYS OUT OF THE WAY WE WILL SEE HOW GOOD YOU ARE IN THE CUP SERIES WHEN THEY STRIKE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4-04-2007 @ 7:32PM

l_Lafontsee said...

At first I thought Montoya had a chance at being rookie of the year. His ways have not won me over. . At this point I don't see a Stock Car racer. An over rated, hyped up, glorified wanna be, is what he's amounting to be. If and when he proves himself to be a stock car driver by taking on the pro's, Stewart, Johnson, Harvick, Kenseth and can hold his own, I MAY reconsider my thought process. I wouldn't hold my breath though.

4-04-2007 @ 7:59PM

My not liking Montoya has nothing to do with his nationality. First and foremost. His superior attitude, which does not fit here at all, his thinking he is that good while yet not being able to prove it. Sticks his nose up at the very culture(s) NASCAR is and has become. Granite,it's his choice not to celebrate this countries customs. Yet, you want to be a stock car driver in the greatest all American sport. Maybe he should TRY to be APART of this SPORT and way of LIFE BEFORE snubbing his nose at it/us.

Chad said...

I wouldn't eat a Martinsville hotdog if I didn't want to so why should Juan have to. The guy has a few races under his belt and I think he is doing well, now Michael Waltrip has been racin for 22 years and can't even qualify for a single race when his other cars are. Now I admit they are shoving Juan down our throats and he does need to prove himself but I guarentee he is the real deal. Juan Pablo Montoya is good for NASCAR he is definately going to piss off some good ole boys but thats a good thing maybe he will bring some excitement back to this sport.

4-04-2007 @ 9:54PM

sdeloney said...

JPM does absolutely nothing for me.

I may be moderately impressed SO FAR by his ability in a car but remain completely and utterly unimpressed by his demeanor, attitude and condescending nature. Speaking from interaction with him at the Rolex 24 this year in Daytona. Pompous @$$.

Perhaps there was a reason that he had no friends and no future in F1.

What is that old saying???? Biting the hand that feeds you...?

Jess said...

This post sums up my feelings on Montoya perfectly. Some of the reason I dislike him is just him, but some of it is definitely the media too.

4-09-2007 @ 5:41PM

djc said...

ANYONE COULD DO AS GOOD AS HES DONE. HIS OWNERS HAVE BETTER CARS THAT YRS PRIOR.
ITS THE EQUIPMENT THAT MAKES THE DRIVER THE HERO. IF THE EQUIPMENT IS BAD THEY CRY LIKE AH SAY THE 24 DRIVER, AH THE 48 DRIVER IN THE YRS BEFORE 2006..
THE NEXT BIGGEST CRYBABIES ARE THE MONTOYAS WHO CAN NOT SLEEP WITH HIS OWNER LIKE THE ERIN CROCKER.
HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT BEFORE NASCAR DID NOTHING ABOUT IT HMMMM AND NOTICE EMPTY STAnds at texas